18 Years Ago: May 2nd--Serial inspiration

Simon candle, May 2

I am inspired to write serially in approach of Simon's birthday on May 17th. To meditate, to assay, to reiterate. To compare myself then--pre-motherhood--to myself now--bereaved parent.

Just as back then in 1997 I was more than expectant first-time mother, I am also now more than bereaved mother. My life has gone on nearly 11 years without Simon. I have my daughter, my husband, and our two black cats. Our family far and wide has not sustained another loss since we lost Simon, although we very sadly lost our dear friend Steve Horton from our Salt Lake community this January.

We have many things to be grateful for and many ways to keep busy. I want to draw a line through my life in 1997 and one through the present days to see how they might meet up and intertwine. I'm inspired to write in a series by my friend Nicole Walker, who often writes serially on her blog. Nicole is a creative writing professor in Arizona, one of the states with a governor targeting education with severe funding cuts. Her current series is letters to Governor Ducey. She began on March 6, 2015, and she's now around letter 40. Her blog is Nikwalk.blogspot.de. Or you can go to Letter #1 and read reverse chronologically.

May 2, 1997 (Sunday): I made no specific notes in the pregnancy journal that day, but I did make notes a few weeks prior about my expectations for the approaching birth. My feelings: "Excited. Suspenseful. Anxious to meet the baby. Curious about how birth will be. Wondering if I can labor well at home for a while before we go in to the hospital."

Any signs of approaching labor? "No diarrhea yet. Don't feel coconut, but do often feel zinging pressure on pelvic floor and cervix. Have to watch posture. More backache. No show yet, but increased mucous."

Yep, that all sounds pretty end-of-third-trimester, doesn't it? Kitzinger gives advice for what to do about the coconut: "The baby's head feels like a coconut hanging between your legs and you have to remind yourself to tuck your bottom in and stand tall when you walk." (104)

May 2, 2015 (Saturday): Spent time this morning at two furniture showrooms with Markus and Miriam. We're considering some changes. Shopped with a parking-lot-ful of people, everyone dashing for stores on the day between a holiday (yesterday) and a Sunday (tomorrow). Bought strawberries and rhubarb roadside and worked with Miriam to make a strawberry-rhubarb crisp for tonight. That is, I did the tasks she was willing to leave me--she loves to slice berries and blend butter into dry ingredients for a streusel topping. I've raised a competent young cook.

And I'm sorting, sorting, sorting. Binders from classes and various writings. I need space on my shelves. So far I haven't found a prose journal I might have written in back in May of 1997, but I'm keeping an eye out.