18 Years Ago: May 20th--All that preparation

Markus and I became parents in a planful way. I was 33 when Simon was born, not old for becoming a mother, but also not young. We approached prenatal care with diligence, and we did a lot of things to prepare for birth and for life with a new baby.

As I mentioned on May 12th, we practiced perineal stretching so I'd be ready for natural birth. I went to all the recommended prenatal appointments with the obstetrician and midwives. We attended a six-week birth class. We read books. For the record, we both found Sheila Kitzinger's The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth considerably more grounding and useful than the more popular "What to Expect" series. The newest edition of Kitzinger's book appears to have been 2003, alas. I just learned while googling the book that she died at the age of 86 in April this year.

In consultation with the midwife team, we made preparations to use the Aqua Tub during labor at the hospital. The deep tub offered a laboring woman the chance to be immersed in warm water to ease the physical strain of contractions. Hospital policy required the baby to be delivered "on dry land" and not underwater. The tub was a temporary unit (something like a portable backyard pool) that could be brought into the birth room (as long as no one else was using it--first come, first served). Markus assembled the elaborate list of required items, all of which needed to be new and unused so as to be clean: a garden hose (for filling the tub from the faucet), a plastic drop cloth (to line the tub for hygiene), a butterfly net (to remove any excrement that might enter the water). That's only the most memorable part of the list.

During our last birth class with Patty Brennan, we got quite serious and literal about the possibilities of birth. Patty had a fabric doll baby and a set of pelvic bones. The big trick, of course, is to get the baby through the pelvic opening. Patty showed us what it looks like when a baby comes out the classic way: head down, back side against the front of the mom's belly. Easy. She slipped the doll right through the pelvis. Then she showed the baby coming through facing the other direction, with the baby's back coming up against the stiffness of the mother's spine. Yes, Patty said, this can be more painful, but massage and movement can help things along. Then she showed us a breach birth (butt first instead of head first). And one foot first. And so on. Each time, the doll baby slipped on through, and Patty smiled reassurance.

Watching this display, I had a thought: it's only about six inches, really, that the baby has to traverse to leave the womb and make it outside. Six inches. I think I can do that! As for breathing during labor, we never learned techniques like Lamaze. Again, we followed Patty's advice: just breathe!

May 20, 1997

I'm not quite sure why the birth narrative hasn't made into this blog series yet. On May 20, 1997 we already had a three-day-old son. The birth reverberated still, but we were on to other preoccupations. I'll say this much about birth today: secretly, I wanted a home birth. My reasons for going to the hospital instead: 1) I was afraid of making the noise of birth through those paper-thin walls at all hours of the day or night and 2) insurance.

Simon did all the things babies are supposed to do. He nursed, slept, wet his diaper, transitioned from meconium to real baby poop, burped, made eye contact. Here's a father and son, communing while Dad talks on the phone (I'm guessing with his family in Germany). Our newest textile: the burp rag.

~May 20, 1997

Sleep was precious, as it always is. Even when he was this tiny, we welcomed Simon to sleep next to us. We read everything we could about co-sleeping (will I roll over and crush my baby?--not if you aren't crashing drunk; will my baby be spoiled and never sleep alone?--are you seriously worried about that?; etc.).

If it looks like the only photos from these early days are of Simon and Markus, it's true! I was there, behind the camera, behind the breasts.

May 20, 2015: I had a full teaching day and was glad to be home for dinner with Miriam (Markus was out at a function). The engineers are striking again at the Deutsche Bahn (the rail system). Train service is radically reduced, making all plans for getting around the region dicey. You can drive your car, but you'll end up on the road with a bunch of people who would have preferred to take the train. The situation can be a huge schedule changer. So, my writing group has switched to a virtual meeting tomorrow morning, just to avoid the headache.

It's more fun to think about our tiny Simon!