18 Years Ago: May 22nd--Simon's cohort

Birthday cake on Simon's "8th birthday"
during a lemonade stand at Liberty Heights Fresh
in Salt Lake City, May 17, 2005.

I am ending the 18 Years Ago series today. If you missed the beginning, the series started on May 1st and ran daily until now, May 22, 2015.

Flash to 2005
I chose this date as a way of remembering Simon's many friends. In May 2005, we passed Simon's birthday for the first time since his death. How do you celebrate a missing child? We decided to seek community. On the actual birthday, May 17, 2005, we held the first of several annual Lemonade Stands in Simon's memory to raise money for childhood cancer research. It's lemonade stand season again--find out more at alexslemonadestand.org. Hold a stand, buy some lemonade, send a donation--research funded by this organization is making a difference for children with cancer.

Miguel interviewed for KSL TV on May 17, 2015.

The top photo shows some of Simon's classmates and other friends, eager for some of the gorgeous cake but also contemplative about the birthday boy. The cake was a donation from Pinon Market, and owner Victoria graciously invited Miriam (age 5) to help decorate! The boy in red and white stripes is Tobias, who will be graduating from high school about now, along with Ellen, the blond girl right next to him. Both of them had sat at Simon's table during first grade the previous year.

The second photo shows Simon's buddy Miguel, who was interviewed for local TV news during the event, as were several other children. I'm sad to say we've lost track of Miguel since moving away from Salt Lake City. He must be a wonderful young man now.

Simon's Cohort
Recently, I've seen facebook postings about some of the boys who are Simon's age (or a bit older)--the ones I consider his cohort. They've all been turning 18! They've been going to prom! They've been formed into young men by testosterone, life and sports! Nathan, Schuyler, Rowan, Lev, Ross! And there are all the other boys and girls from Simon's 1st grade class in Utah, kindergarten in Michigan, and daycare at Linda's. These young people are moving into adulthood, as they should be, starting college, confronting choices, making plans. They carry the mark of knowing Simon and losing him in such an unfair way. I expect that changes your view of life. I never witnessed the loss of a peer growing up. I hope remembering Simon brings a richness to their lives and never anything like guilt.

Four days after the lemonade stand in 2005, we held a birthday party in Simon's memory at our house. Technically, the party was on May 21, 2005, so I'm off by one day. Not a big deal. After a few more thoughts on this blog undertaking, I will close this post, and the series, with a recap of the 2005 birthday event.

Reflections on writing a series
Writing my serial meditation around Simon's 18th birthday has surprised me in several ways. The idea came spontaneously at the beginning of May, and I have easily found material for a new post every day. I had to conquer a few impediments: I got my 12-year-old scanner to work with my latest operating system, and I re-rigged my old Photoshop Elements 6 to function (at least some of the time). I even learned the four-finger keyboard command for paste-and-match-style. I used a smart phone to upload a post, and I proved I could meet a daily deadline not just for NaNoWriMo.

This blog series has sent me back through boxes and albums of photos, many of which I hadn't looked at in a long time. The images not only make the text more interesting (and "sell" a post better, for example on facebook) but they also offer a layer of dialog between text and image. This layer enhances the underlying construct: a dialog between then and now. Add to that the peculiar workings of my mind (soccer goalie-ing is like perineal stretching? see May 12th), and a sticky web of meaning emerges. A few days into the project, the need for individual titles became clear, adding to the playful connections.

I'm not a plotter, at least not yet. My writing focuses on the "real," on events that have occurred. The "plot" is given, and it's my job to follow along, choosing what to emphasize and what to leave out. Conjecture remains fair game, but I haven't got the muscles for creating characters and then creating the things that happen to and around them. Still, as I followed this series with its more or less pre-defined storyline, I found myself jotting down ideas and semi-planfully taking many of them up in different posts. I haven't gotten to all of the ideas--I've got a lot more to say about breastfeeding, for example. But it can't hurt to leave with a few good cards still in my hand.

May 22, 1997, 5 days old

Have I figured anything out? Have I increased or decreased the pain of not seeing my son grow up? I don't know. I've distracted myself. I've enjoyed myself. I've sat peacefully next to dancing flames atop colorful candles. I've renewed memories of happy and healthy times. I'll never know the Simon who would have become an adult. I know that. And I'm not alone in being the poorer for that loss.

We sure did have him while he was here. A week or two into his life, while sitting with him at the dining table, I had a wonderful thought: I enjoy his company. I enjoyed every day of his life (even the awful days), and it's a gift to feel his delightful company still.

Birthday in Memoriam, May 21, 2005

Children starting to chalk the driveway.

Watching Marcus Funny Man Who Does Tricks,
who also made Simon laugh.

Miriam (front middle) with Simon's school friends.

Julio, Miguel and mom Luz.

Card trick.

Parents hanging out indoors (oh, I miss that kitchen!).

We all lit a candle from the big magenta
Simon candle.

Everyone signed the pink balloon.

We got ready to send our love up with the balloon.

Past the utility wires.

Past the trees.

Away.

My love and thanks to folks who've come along on this blog ride. In case you're curious, the whole series is 15,000 words long. The most popular post so far? May 10th--The fashion post. As you can see from the birthday party photos, we've had a lot of support from children and grown ups who love Simon, too. We know you are there, and we thank you.