Original draft, June 8, 2014
Precise black nibs, air-filled and
separate, top jaw flopped wide
I contain a gathering of long-sleeves
along on a summer trip, the other
shoes, embroidered vest, crinkled receipt.
I await repacking for a multi-flight
return; my teeth will perform their
miracle against the odds
and ends I hold while I totter and wheeze
and glide and shudder when you shove me
in that overhead bin. But I will not
be the one flung in the hold below, so there,
bigger bag, so there.
Reworked draft (for shape), approx. June 10, 2014
My precise black tines comb empty air
flat jaw flopping floorward
mine are the long sleeves brought on a
summer trip, embroidered
vest, birthday cards, receipts, the other
shoes. My tiny hooks yield
one by one—a corps de ballet—we are
a miracle against the odds
and ends I hold. I’ll glide, stand, topple
and shudder at your shove
in that lunchbox overhead. But I’m not
the one who’ll be flung on
a belt towards a crushing, frigid pit. So
there, bigger bag, so there.
In my notebook, I also found this embryonic text, fed by poetic impulses and written June 8, the day the conference ended.
In my writing I seek Simon
a boy who would not be little now
whose voice could be gravel or stew
or honey like his father's
who would know private things
he'd not tell me
who would sweat and lust
adultly arms and groin and growingly seek to leave
yet still be one I can't keep my
eyes from, one whose sleep
I watch like drinking wine
whose calmed face reminds of the
tiny closed eyes, the mouth
owning my nipple.
Mary, you listen with as much detail as you write, and all good writing is in the details. I get tired sometimes following your brain around a topic and want to stop and have a glass of lemonade. This last addendum about seeking Simon I find very powerful and encourage you to keep working with this. I would like you to try leaving off the "In my writing" qualifier in the first sentence and see what happens. I can totally relate to this in my relationship with my 20 year old son, who has LOTS he does not tell me. I love how you make clear that you find ways to relate to Simon anyway. He will always be with you, Mary, and your writing and your self will be all the richer for it. You are an amazing colleague and hopefully budding friend.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, thank you for your thoughtful reply and for testing the comment format. I like your suggestion about dropping the qualifier. I'm enjoying our ongoing dialogue and friendship.
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